She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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