so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
