it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
