Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
