How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
