so explain again why im purple
no
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
