soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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