No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
