i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
