Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
