You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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