Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
