no, he came in my armpit
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
