How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just invented taco cereal.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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