yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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