Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
