it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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