we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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