Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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