Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
