You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
