i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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