But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
