if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
