Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
