No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
