I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
