Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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