you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was CRYING into my vagina
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
