it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
