I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
