my vag is so smooth its legendary
he thought i was a dude.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
