are you still at the devil's house?
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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