My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
