I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
