A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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