I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I smell like Dick and happiness
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
