I want to have your abortion
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
