Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
