Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
