Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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