Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
