Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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