I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
