Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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