Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
