She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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