I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
