I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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