I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
