Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
