Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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