I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
