I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
