girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
