if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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