If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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