Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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