i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
