So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
