Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
