There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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