WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
