Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
