i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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