so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
