Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can I color on your dick again?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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