I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
