i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize