i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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